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| 2009-12-30 5:01 p.m. |
letter from val

just wipe me out of your life (oh wait... already did). it's disgusting how little respect you have for the time that was spent in our shit sinking ship, while pulling walls over eyes that would rival china's. nobody has ever treated me in the absolutely shameful way that you chose to end our time together (especially given our history); and though you claimed that you always wanted to be friends, your actions made it clear that the opposite was true. but it makes sense, if this is how you decide to treat your friends, no wonder you have only one real friendship that has survived. but, hey, thanks for keeping me around until the life was sucked out of me until there was none left, and then leaving at your first chance with no regard for the first person that saw and treated you as an actual human being. it would have been nice to have that reciprocated. i hate that you made all this shit deceivingly meaningful. before you i truly did not give a fuck about this time of year, and now i am scrambling for any sort of high spirit. thanks for dangling the invisible carrot of normalcy in front of me while at no point making any sort of effort (opposite! you purposely did shit to me just to fuck with my world, when all you had to say was "its not going to work out". but wait, that would have been inconvenient to you since you had no fucking money, any sort of sustaining job to speak of, or place to live. but the you got your hotel job and tax return..) or having any intention to make anything easier on the both of us. the biggest thing i hate is how your actions took away my ability to trust people with getting me a pop, let alone trusting them to not fuck around on me every second they are not around. you took away my once-undying attitude of "there is some good in everyone" and turned me into a miserable, cynical dick who (directly because of you) assumes the absolute worst from people. it seems like at every corner i run into someone with direct knowledge and details of how fucked you DID treat me, that i had no idea about previously.

all i've ever heard from you about your past is how people mistreated you and didn't give a shit about you. it seems like you probably deserved 200% of that, as you did the exact same thing (worse, really) to another person for three years, at your first opportunity. i guess i truly am disposable. how does it feel to be the person who you have always claimed to despise? oh well, i guess in jen's little world it makes sense and is justified. you made sure that you would fuck me over on the highest level possible, and you made sure that you would never have to think about it and reflect on the fact that you consciously, over a long period of time, used the first person that was truly in love with you. i'm sorry i ever thought of you as a normal human being. or a human being trying to be normal. you are so complacent with your lifetime of failure on every level, that now you shit on people and not even think twice about it, because maybe jenny can find happiness if she doesn't have to deal with her real problems! i can only hope that someday, someone shits on your cheerios like you did on mine, so you can know what it's truly like to get treated like trash, and maybe that will be a slap in your face to quit doing fucked up shit. (doubt there is anything that will turn you around at this point though. you were doing this shit in your late 20s, when allegedly people are grown up already. enjoy being single at 30, 35, beyond..). one day your little kid of a boyfriend will either see right through you or just dump you for someone younger/hotter/sane. but enjoy it while it lasts, i am sure he pays the bar tab. it will all come full circle when he is texting some chick and grinning like an idiot right after you get done fucking, and you will lay there hopeless saying "oh THIS is what i did over and over...."

be thankful that you are the one that gets to be happy (yes, YOU deserved to win), and be extra thankful that this year, people did not choose to treat you the way that you chose (YOUR conscious choice) to treat them. i should have kicked your bitch ass out to the curb when i had the chance, before any of the times you decided to whore yourself at the first opportunity (how many guys did you cheat on me with? at least 4 that i can count, though i am sure there are more.. i already know what happened when i was in jail (both times, and then what happened after), and i am so sorry rocky didn't take you back the summer after. god only knows what happened when i was on tour, in texas, etc..), and be glad that i was the bigger person 100% of the three plus years of my life i wasted on you. i can't believe that at more then one point (and more recently then even i would like to admit) i actually considered spending the rest of it being dragged down by you. thanks for getting me that valentines day jones soda four pack on christmas or whatever that fucking holiday was that one time, it was a really thoughtful and appropriate gift (and the BEST (and only one from you) ONE I'VE EVER GOTTEN). it perfectly symbolizes every second of our existence together. all you had to do was leave and not fuck with me (any of the times). should have just left my fucking movies after tampa. they just got pissed on and stolen (another perfect symbolism of you and me).

karma is a bitch. happy holidays.

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